One Year

I can't even begin to fathom the changes that have occurred in my life in the last year. Some of the changes were my decision and some unfortunately were not. Today marks the one year anniversary of my gastric bypass and it has made all the difference in my life. I've gone from 513 lb down to just above 300. I've lost the equivalence of a healthy man and my mother.

New things coming...

I am making some changes in my life and am applying to different schools to see which direction God wants me to take my life.  His will shall be done - I might as well go ahead and get glad about it ahead of time :)
Looking forward to it~

Finding My "True North"

As many of you who already know, my life has changed drastically over the last 18 months, and even more so in the past 6 weeks. November 7, 2011, my mother was brought by ambulance to the hospital where I work and spent 7 days here and then went home on hospice and passed the next night.  She passed away just after midnight on Tuesday night making it November 16th, 2011. Her funeral was Friday, November 18, 2011. Thank you to everyone who came and who supported my family and I during this difficult time.  I knew many people loved my mom but was unaware of what a difference she had made in other people's lives. She dedicated herself professionally and personally to many causes and devoted her life to serving others; her legacy will live on through the people she touched.  I told my sister that I feel like my mom left a piece of herself with everyone and in a strange way, a piece of her lives on in each person that surrounds us. I know it must sound crazy, but I feel like I have to snatch up every piece of my mom that I can and surround myself with people who she loved and who loved her. For me, the best thing I can do to honor my mother is to embrace this extended family that she created and try to keep it together.

Since losing my mom, I feel like the needle for my compass is off and I can't find my true north. I find myself mentally, emotionally, and physically going in circles and unable to find my way. I have made some strides personally, to put the pieces back together.  I know at this point, it's just gonna take time.

Four-Letter Words

Four-Letter Words are usually associated with swear words, things that are offensive, or the "filthy" words that are bleeped out of sitcoms, talk shows, and daytime television.  Have you ever stopped to think about the other four-letter words that could be a positive influence on you and change your life?  




Here are a few that crossed my I either found in my research or that crossed my mind:

• Best - I want to be my best - the highest quality of me I can be.
  
  
• Burn - Burn the calories and burn the old self image of someone who is not there anymore.
• Care - Make any decisions to make any changes in your life from a place of love, sincerity, and good intentions.
• Core - The very center of my being and existence. The place where my morals are permanently engraved and where my deepest secrets hide. 
• Dare - I am a creature of habit and I had to dare to change. I had to embrace it and not be scared of the unknown, which if you know anything about me, you know that is very difficult for me. 
• Deep - The place where the want/need for change came from for me. I had to really make a solid decision to make a difference for myself.  I toyed with the idea of having the surgery for a long time, but once I made a sincere decision to make the change, it was a done deal. 
• Drop - Drop your weight and your bad attitude.  Make a conscious effort to not drop any of the people who supported when you were heavy and your true friends in the process. Don't get "too big for your britches" as my grandmother would say, which is ironic that I'm adding that in here because my britches are getting smaller every day. The change draws a lot of attention, especially from maybe people to whom you were invisible before. Don't forget to nurture the relationships with the people who saw who you were the whole time.
• Fear - What scares you? What scares me?  Going backwards
• Free - Free to make your own choices.
• Gift - The incredible gift of life.
• Girl - Just a girl trying to fit in and to find myself.
• Give - I am finding out how generous and giving the people are around me. Don't forget to return the gift and forward the kindness to someone else who needs it.
• Glad - Glad that I have the opportunities that I have been given
• Goal - Where do I want to be in the future? Hopefully happy and healthy.
• Good - There is a saying that "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels," but I have changed it, "Nothing tastes so good as being healthy feels"
• Grin - Its all over me!
• Grow - Learning more about me and what my purpose in life is.
• Heal - My heart heals a little each day and it starts from within.
• Help - Get help, give help. Remember that hands extend both ways, they give and they take.
• Home - Anywhere my family is.
• Hope - I have a new found hope in my new life.
• Hurt - I was in constant pain before surgery. I still hurt, but nothing like before.
• Joys - I am finding new joy that I have never experienced before. Things I once dreaded, I now look forward to. 
• Jump - Easier now
• Kids - Still up in the air
• Kind - I strive to be the kind of person I'd like to be. Its an effort each day.
• Know - I know I made the best choice for myself.
• Lady - My mom. 
• Life - Teaching me a lot
• Live - Living is a day at a time.
• Lost - Still trying to feel my way out of this dark place.
• Luck - Need more than luck to get me through. 
• More - Always wanting to learn something new.
• Move - Move more to feel the freedom in your soul
• Nice - If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. - Thumper
• Pain - Being without the person you love.
• Pest - Sampson Houston Butler (aka Sammie)
• Play - Whenever possible
• Pray - Make an effort daily to reach out and touch your maker and feed your soul daily.
• Pure - Purest intentions, purest heart, purest love
• Rain - Nature's Tears (Healing).
• Real - Truths. Many truths.
• Safe - A secure place to be, both emotionally and physically. 
• Sale - I'm a sucker for clearance. Even crap I'll never use and don't need. I am learning more about myself everyday. 
• Sand - Something I'd love to feel between my toes someday soon. I told my husband when I was 200 lb down, that I wanted to be taken to the beach.  I'm at 194, so he better start packing!
• Save - Saved myself
• Sore - Daily battle :-)
• Tear - Tear - as in rip, hurts like hell. Tear as in crying, is nature's way of healing.
• Thin - Not as important as being healthy
• Tool - RNY LGB is just a tool. Success is determined by the lifestyle changes you make.
• True - More obvious to me now than ever
• Walk - Easier now that my body is changing
• Want - Different from need
• Warm - Have been freezing my chi chi's off since weight has started to drop! Anyone else have that problem?
• Wise - Something I hope to be one day. I thinking making this decision to change my life was a wise choice.

Lactose Intolerance...

Regular cow's milk is tearing my system up.  I have switched to soy and its better.  Cheese doesn't bother me - thank goodness, because cheese is a big contender in my protein intake.  

Update on Vitamin Help post

***UPDATE***

I recently found out that my B12 has to be sublinqual; being an RNY patient, we only have 1/8 of a normal stomach. B12 is absorbed in the stomach and since it being in the pouch for 30 minutes or less, doesn't leave a lot of time for absorption.  It is required that we dissolve them directly under the tongue (sublingual) so it'll go straight into our blood stream.

Also, my bariatric surgeon looked at my multivitamins that I found and he didn't particularly care for them as they don't contain very many minerals.  I have since switched to the following:

• Sublingual B12 - Cherry flavored
• One Source Prenatal vitamins (the size of a regular Tylenol tablet - 2 at a time, twice a day).

I may take prenatal vitamins in the morning and a regular multivitamin with no iron at night (the one with no minerals) because too much iron can throw me into another impaction and I don't particularly want to go there.

Another bariatic patient found some B12 that contained other stuff like folic acid, but I figure if I'm taking the prenatal with folic acid anyway, then it would probably be okay just taking the good ole' regular B12.  

Skipping stones

Have you ever skipped a stone across the water?  Have you ever noticed that a single rock causes multiple disturbances in the water and for each time the rock hits the water, it causes multiple ripples? Making an important decision for your life is like tossing the stone into the water and hoping for the best.  Once you take the initial plunge and make a "big decision", the consequences of those choices begin to affect things in your life and that change changes something else and its a domino effect. 

My decision was to have weight loss surgery (i.e. the stone thrown into the water).. The consequences of that choice.. my ripples (if you will) thus far are:

• I am losing weight - which I knew would happen, but its still the first ripple
• Less stress on my joints
• Seat belts fit me in almost every vehicle I am in
• My feet don't hurt as bad. At the end of the day, they would just throb.
• My clothes are hanging on me now and I am getting to the point where I will need a new wardrobe; always a positive thing!
• Tight places (walking between things) are now not as tight, even though I still instinctively turn sideways to go through narrow openings even though I can go through them head-on now.
• My stamina/endurance walking and doing other things (cooking, cleaning, etc) has multiplied. 
• When I stop to have a conversation with someone, I can do it standing and am not struggling to find a chair to sit down to take the pressure off my back. I am still having back trouble, but I think its because I slept funny on an air mattress. 
• My opportunities have broadened
• Options I didn't think were options have now become choices (i.e. having kids, going to medical school, taking jobs in other departments that wouldn't require me to be as sedimentary, etc).

I had an epiphany - the realization that my ripples have only begun.  The rest of my life will forever be little ripples and positive consequences of this one decision that I made.. and my life may be longer because of it.

Have a big decision to make?  Do you ever think about when your ripples will begin? They already have.. Your ripples can be the consequences of an important choice that you have or have not yet made. Think about that the next time you skip a stone across the water.  Your possibilities are endless.