Jen & The Government Goats..

I know what you're thinking, the title of this blog post is kinda silly -- Its almost like 'James and the Giant Peach'.. Well, anyone who knows me, knows that I despise government workers - but only a particular branch... the kudzu eating branch...  If you don't know what I'm talking about, please read the link associated with this to understand (Breakdown: The city of Chattanooga pays goats with government funds to eat the kudzu off the ridge)... and they make a boat-load doing it too!

Let me set the scene for you...  

Known as "BBQ with a view"

Here is the view:

So Amber Brady and I went today to Sugar's Ribs on the Ridge. We had placed a to-go order and decided to hang out in the 50's style diner with a killer view of the city and the mountains in the backdrop and wait on our food.  So, I was scoping out the restaurant and noticed a sign that said --> Goats... Yes.. Goats..

BABY BOY GOAT 

Just any goats you say?  Heck no!  The government goats!!!!  

BABY GIRL GOAT

We spent time looking at the baby goats, petting them and talking to them. They were brave and come right up to you for you to feed them or pet them.

We were taking pictures of us and the goats...

 AMBER PETTING BABY GOAT

Here I am, getting my picture taken with the panoramic views of mountains behind me, unaware of what would occur just moments later...

Here we got a good shot of the whole goat family in the upper pin on top of the hill..

This particular pin had two babies and a mama and then there was a huge pin that had the "working" goats on the ridge..   

Adorable huh?? -- Not so cute when they walk/eat/poo at the same time.  Their anus is virtually invisible until it opens -- and it looks like a black hole pouring out rabbit turds.. and then when they're done, it closes up and disappears like it was never there!   Talk about your multi-taskers ehh?

 Future government workers -- talk about thorough training eh?  Government work at its finest!

Absolutely disgusted at the non-manners of these civil employees (to sh!t in front of someone else -- while on the job -- thank you very much)... I turned my attention back to table where Amber was sitting..

UNSUSPECTING VICTIM:
Taking an innocent tour of the "goat" area..

MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER AMBER - CHECK HER OUT ON FIBRO OF OZ

On the table in front of Amber, was a brown paper bag that had the to-go BBQ sauce and it was wet.  Apparently the BBQ sauce had opened inside it.

I turned behind me to get throw the messy bag away and I turned around and there it was

I was scared alive!  One minute, he was at the bottom of the ridge by the road..  and I turned my back -- taking no longer than just a few seconds (just enough time to throw a lunch-sized brown paper sack away in a trash can).. and there he was.. in my face.. 

ATTACKER: 

A goat..on its HIND LEGS - this far *small hand gesture* from my face...  It's head was as big as mine and it had huge horns..

SCENE OF THE CRIME 

attacker attempting a "smooth getaway", only to be caught red hand-- er hooved fleeing the scene.

One of the cups of BBQ sauce had fallen out of the bag and was still sealed.. I opened it and let the goat lick the lid and his eyes got huge and started lapping it up like there was goat cocaine in it!

I let him lick the whole cup of BBQ sauce up and he spilled a bunch on my fingers.. and I finally let him lick it off my hands.. After he licked it off my fingers, he kept licking his lips (as we call it in our family - blowing me sugar)...



And that's me saying "its like goat heroine" -- he was hankering for more!! Damn near jumped the fence for it...

 I had to run inside and wash my hands three times. it was hysterical and scarey at the same time.. Then it was cool to be so close to them and infuriating that they were lookin for a "hand out" from me, knowing that they make MORE MONEY THAN ME!!! and you may be wondering -- do I still hate the goats? Yes... I STILL hate the gov. goats that make twice as much money as I do a year "working" three months during the summer... simply by eating...  aye ye ya.. I guess I need to develop a taste for kudzu...

Oh and about the goat -- you may be wondering about him... Well justice was served.. thankfully with a side of pulled pork and grilled corn on the cob ;)  And just in case you are curious -- the pulled pork came with a corn muffin, homemade dill pickles, and fresh sliced onion!

PRISONER BEHIND BARS = KARMA