Jen & The Government Goats..

I know what you're thinking, the title of this blog post is kinda silly -- Its almost like 'James and the Giant Peach'.. Well, anyone who knows me, knows that I despise government workers - but only a particular branch... the kudzu eating branch...  If you don't know what I'm talking about, please read the link associated with this to understand (Breakdown: The city of Chattanooga pays goats with government funds to eat the kudzu off the ridge)... and they make a boat-load doing it too!

Let me set the scene for you...  

Known as "BBQ with a view"

Here is the view:

So Amber Brady and I went today to Sugar's Ribs on the Ridge. We had placed a to-go order and decided to hang out in the 50's style diner with a killer view of the city and the mountains in the backdrop and wait on our food.  So, I was scoping out the restaurant and noticed a sign that said --> Goats... Yes.. Goats..

BABY BOY GOAT 

Just any goats you say?  Heck no!  The government goats!!!!  

BABY GIRL GOAT

We spent time looking at the baby goats, petting them and talking to them. They were brave and come right up to you for you to feed them or pet them.

We were taking pictures of us and the goats...

 AMBER PETTING BABY GOAT

Here I am, getting my picture taken with the panoramic views of mountains behind me, unaware of what would occur just moments later...

Here we got a good shot of the whole goat family in the upper pin on top of the hill..

This particular pin had two babies and a mama and then there was a huge pin that had the "working" goats on the ridge..   

Adorable huh?? -- Not so cute when they walk/eat/poo at the same time.  Their anus is virtually invisible until it opens -- and it looks like a black hole pouring out rabbit turds.. and then when they're done, it closes up and disappears like it was never there!   Talk about your multi-taskers ehh?

 Future government workers -- talk about thorough training eh?  Government work at its finest!

Absolutely disgusted at the non-manners of these civil employees (to sh!t in front of someone else -- while on the job -- thank you very much)... I turned my attention back to table where Amber was sitting..

UNSUSPECTING VICTIM:
Taking an innocent tour of the "goat" area..

MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER AMBER - CHECK HER OUT ON FIBRO OF OZ

On the table in front of Amber, was a brown paper bag that had the to-go BBQ sauce and it was wet.  Apparently the BBQ sauce had opened inside it.

I turned behind me to get throw the messy bag away and I turned around and there it was

I was scared alive!  One minute, he was at the bottom of the ridge by the road..  and I turned my back -- taking no longer than just a few seconds (just enough time to throw a lunch-sized brown paper sack away in a trash can).. and there he was.. in my face.. 

ATTACKER: 

A goat..on its HIND LEGS - this far *small hand gesture* from my face...  It's head was as big as mine and it had huge horns..

SCENE OF THE CRIME 

attacker attempting a "smooth getaway", only to be caught red hand-- er hooved fleeing the scene.

One of the cups of BBQ sauce had fallen out of the bag and was still sealed.. I opened it and let the goat lick the lid and his eyes got huge and started lapping it up like there was goat cocaine in it!

I let him lick the whole cup of BBQ sauce up and he spilled a bunch on my fingers.. and I finally let him lick it off my hands.. After he licked it off my fingers, he kept licking his lips (as we call it in our family - blowing me sugar)...



And that's me saying "its like goat heroine" -- he was hankering for more!! Damn near jumped the fence for it...

 I had to run inside and wash my hands three times. it was hysterical and scarey at the same time.. Then it was cool to be so close to them and infuriating that they were lookin for a "hand out" from me, knowing that they make MORE MONEY THAN ME!!! and you may be wondering -- do I still hate the goats? Yes... I STILL hate the gov. goats that make twice as much money as I do a year "working" three months during the summer... simply by eating...  aye ye ya.. I guess I need to develop a taste for kudzu...

Oh and about the goat -- you may be wondering about him... Well justice was served.. thankfully with a side of pulled pork and grilled corn on the cob ;)  And just in case you are curious -- the pulled pork came with a corn muffin, homemade dill pickles, and fresh sliced onion!

PRISONER BEHIND BARS = KARMA

Let Freedom Ring

To begin this entry, I would like to thank all of the people who made my freedom possible.  Thank you to all of the veterans, to everyone currently serving our country, and for all of the fallen soldiers who gave their life so we can all be free.  I also realize, it is not only the soldier who makes the sacrifice, but also their families. Their children, their spouses, their parents, their friends and anyone else who worries about them while they are in active duty and holds down the fort at home, putting on a brave face for their children and their loved ones.

free·dom

   /ˈfridəm/ Show Spelled[free-duhm] Show IPA

–noun

1.  the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint: He won his freedom after a retrial.

2. exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.

3. the power to determine action without restraint.

Independence, Liberated, Autonomous, To Be Free. . .

My captive has been my weight and my freedom is being released from the physical restraints of being morbidly obese.  I know I am still in the "morbidly obese" category and I know I am still big, but I am getting a little bit more of my freedom back everyday.

This is a seat belt extender.  I have had to use one in my car for the last two years because my seat belt wouldn't fit me.  Yesterday, I was able to take it off and put it in my glove compartment.  I no longer need it to feel safe in my own vehicle.  I have lost enough weight that my seat belt actually fits me (without choking me or being so tight I can't breathe). So far, every car I have been in, the seat belts have fit. 

I think the things that I appreciate the most about this whole experience are the little things. Seat belts fitting, being able to sit in a chair with arms, having to worry that a restaurant has a bathroom stall big enough that you can turn around in, being able to go to dinner and not worry about if the place has chairs or booths, or worrying about walking on something wooden (stairs, etc) and if it will hold your weight.  I was able to go on a boat ride yesterday for the first time in 14 years. I walked up a plank across a muddy spot to the dock and was able to get on and was extremely comfortable.  The little things that most people don't think about are what I appreciate.  My freedom has been with this weight loss surgery, its given me the common, everyday functions of living back. I no longer have the worry, fear, and anxiety about going places, doing things, or being around people. 

I am not sure how many people have read the book Eat, Pray, Love or have at least seen the movie.

Here is an excert from the book that changed her and it has changed me too.  This was given to her in the context of her marriage dissolving and letting go and moving on, but I can apply it to my own life and maybe some of you could too.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

These instructions were given to her at the ashram before her final ritual of letting go of her marriage.

1. Life's metaphors are God's instructions.

2. You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.

3.The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.

4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God's response. Let go, and watch the stars come out - on the outside and the inside.

5. With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.

6. With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and let him go.

7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go.

8. Watch the heat of the day pass into the cool of the night. Let go.

9. When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It's safe. Let go.

10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy.