Choices and their shades of gray

Have you ever felt like you had the world in your hands?  the bull by the horns?  A man by his ba-- . . . okay you get the point; but have you ever felt like your world was crumbling in your hands and you have no choice but to just let the pieces fall and try to fit them back together after you see how they land? Some choices in life are so very difficult and some are easy.

I know myself well enough to know that I obsess over important decisions and I overanalyze every aspect and every possible outcome of each choice. My sister and I were raised by loving parents who completely supported us in everything we did; they also disciplined us and taught us the difference between right and wrong.  My sister (Amber) taught me and instilled into my core that life is a series of consequences of not only your actions but also your choices and to not carry the guilt of someone else's decisions, actions, or choices.  I didn't fully understand that until I got older.

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"The best things are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of God just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain common work as it comes certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things of life." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"You cannot run away from a weakness, you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now and where you stand?" - Robert Louis Stevenson

The last ten years has taught me the following things: 

• Just because you have moved out of your parent's house and are living on your own does not mean you are "all grown up".  Growing up starts with you and the choices you make. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to put on your "big girl panties" and do the right thing, no matter the consequences; even if it puts you in a compromising position physically, emotionally or financially. 
• I had a conversation with a physician I work with last week and we discussed decisions and choices.  His group of doctors that he has worked with for years walked out on our hospital and left our facility without the appropriate medical staff.  His group took over another hospital in the area and he would go work for them from 5a-2p and then come back to our hospital and work from 2p-midnight, even though the other people in the group gave him a hard time because of it. His wife had just had their first baby, a little girl right at that same time and after working the double shifts, he would go home and walk his baby up and down the hallway to soothe her so his wife could get some sleep.  This was his daily routine for a few months until we got a new group of doctors in to take over the contract.  He did this everyday and never complained; he did it because it was the right thing to do. That spoke volumes to me about his character and who he is as a person and the kind of person I want to be. He humbles me everytime I think of him; he is such an incredible person, not just a kick-ass doctor who saves lives everyday. He taught me that the right thing to do is never the easy thing; struggle is a part of doing what is right, but it does get better and the struggle is worth it in the end.
• Just in case you are wondering, this specific doctor and another amazing physician, who is also an amazing person, have broken away from the original group and have started their own group and are still here at our hospital running one of the subspecialty departments. I could not be happier that these are the two men we have representing that branch of our facility and their hearts are right where they need to be.
• The people who are meant to be a part of my life will be and they will be there at the exact moment they are needed.
• Every encounter with another person is an oppoturnity to change your life or theirs. 
• You have to learn to follow before you can lead.
• Some people you will teach and some people you will learn from.
• Making a decision and sticking to it and following it through with every ounce of your being can be the hardest thing to do, yet will be the most fullfilling in the long run.
• Survival is the most basic human instinct but really living is a choice. 

I have met lots of people on this journey I am on. Most of the people I have met had the surgery for good, valid, important, sincere reasons; for improved health, improved quality of life, or to open the door of possibilities - no matter how big .. or small...

I have also met people who chose this road for vanity and selfish reasons; for the attention that drastic change draws to you.  I have not openly shared with everyone that I have had this surgery done.  Its not because I think I made the wrong choice, because I didn't, but I don't want the unneccessary extra attention.  But with it all and through it all, I have found that some what would be the hardest choices in life suddenly become simple when it really matters.  My weight loss surgery was a huge decision and a difficult choice, but when it came down to losing my father way too young and me following in his footsteps, my path became clear.

"It is not so much for its beauty that the forest makes a claim upon men's hearts, as for that subtle something, that quality of air that emanation from old trees, that so wonderfully changes and renews a weary spirit." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"Give us grace and strength to forbear and to persevere. Give us courage and gaiety, and the quiet mind. Spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies. Bless us, if it may be, in all our innocent endeavours. If it may not, give us the strength to encounter that which is to come, that we may be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temparate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune, and down to the gates of death, loyal and loving to one another."
— Robert Louis Stevenson

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I will leave you with an excert from another blog:

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more”:

LESSONS I LEARNED FROM LIFE

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry, God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone for everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come….
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.