Changes, spoons, and fibro, oh my!

If someone asked me to pin-point the moment when my life changed and to find the exact moment that I made the decision to consider weight loss surgery again, I'm not sure I could tell you.  I think the past year has just been a huge transition for me and for my entire family (my support system). Losing my father at the young age of 52 made me more aware of my own mortality and made me take a hard look at how I am living my life.   It seems from the outside looking in that I have my perspective wrong and that my priorities are in the wrong place.  Its not that I don't cherish the things I need to or that I take forgranted the things I shouldn't, its just that sometimes I am too focused on other people and my job instead of caring for myself. I recently subscribed to Tyler Perry's mailing list and his latest newsletter was about taking care of yourself that if you don't take care of you, you can't possibly be around to take care of others.  That hit home for me. 

I cherish the people in my life now more than ever and I appreciate every moment I get to have with my mom (who is amazing and suffers from chronic pain from back problems, fibromyalgia, Crohn's disease and diabetes), my sister (who is incredibly strong and unbending even though she suffers from fibromyalgia and lupus herself, who is my best friend - She's also a blogger --> follow her on Twitter or check out her blog Fibro of Oz ) and my husband who is the most supportive and understanding partner and undoubtedly the nicest man I've ever met.  I know we fight sometimes, all couples do but I read something on someone else's blog and it reminded me of him. 

"Heroes stay. Heroes love. They don't wear capes...they wear wedding rings. Heroes don't wait for a symbol in the sky to know when to respond...they respond when their hearts whisper, "they need you now". Heroes don't hold press conferences...they hold hands.

In my darkest of nights, he rescues me. That's why he's a hero."

 

An exert from A Messy Happiness.  Click on the name to read her blog.  She blows me away. 

I have never been the patient, silent type but of late I have found myself spending time alone in the stillness. I woulnd't really call it "meditation" or even being in a state of deep thought, just a state of being - simply existing.  Since I have had increasing health problems, something I constantly yearn for is a vacation.  A vacation from pain, a vacation from muscle cramps/aches, a vacation from bills and responsibility - simply an escape from my reality that I created.  I had a moment of realization that I have to create my own happiness and I can't sit around waiting for the world to hand me anything, I have to work to get where I need to be and where I want to be.  I have to extend my arms in order for me to reach my destiny and for once I feel like I have the slightest bit of control regarding what my future holds and that I'm not just along for the ride. 

I know they say that if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans for your life and I believe that, but I also know that if you want something with all of your being and you work towards it, God will help you get to where you need to be and he'll give you the strength you need, even when you are out of spoons.  Spoonies know what I'm talking about - if you don't, please read the spoon theory to understand.  I have always loved playing cards.  The point of the game is that its not about getting all aces and face cards, but playing the cards you are delt well.  Thats the point in life too - especially those of us with chronic pain and big obstacles to overcome.